I’m back in the same coffee shop from my previous post. It is silent and tranquil. The owner of the coffee shop knows me by name, and she says it so sweetly. The music playing has a lo-fi vibe, which is perfect for writing in my opinion. My tea is refreshing with subtle hints of cactus blossom. My body aches less, and my mind feels a bit more clear.
It’s suppose to be quite warm today, around the mid 90’s. I use to dream of days like today, now I can happily say that I get to live in these moments daily. My tan is beginning to appear darker with each day, and my skin remains clear due to the vitamin D.
It’s been a while since I have had one of these days. That kind of day where you feel like nothing can disturb your peace of mind. I am going to pursue the kind of day where I can lay in bed tonight and blissfully say that it was a good day.
It’s such a mystery how the mind and body dance with grace to fabricate positive outcomes when there’s an entirely conflicting and dark side as it’s shadow.
I’ve been searching for myself for a while now, and I’m determined to find her within the glow of the sun and the twilight of the moon. Each day and night is an opportunity for growth.
Do you find yourself questioning your own thoughts or actions? Both have been something I’ve been dwelling on for the past few months. The substantial amount of brain activity that I am using is becoming too much, leaving me lethargic and longing to waste the day away being trapped in my feelings with no beneficial actions in return.
I know I’m not alone, despite how lonely I can feel at times. I’m sure many of you know that feeling. You can be the most radiating person in the room, but once that moment is over, your glow begins to fade. Your mentality is shot to shit, and you feel so insignificant. Welcome to your mentality, or “mindset”.
Your mentality is your personal view, feelings, ideas, or even biases about a situation, person, or thing. You’re probably much more aware of your mindset now, huh? You’re thinking about how you’re feeling in this moment, or maybe you’re trying to distract yourself from another situation that you’re feeling mentally overwhelmed by. Regardless of why you’re here reading this right now, you are aware of your mentality.
The question is- how is your mentality effecting your behavior? Are you going to let your vulnerability act for you, or are you going to behave accordingly to your desired mindset?
For example, say you were at the mall and decided to try on a pair of jeans that you desperately wanted. You’re in the fitting room, wiggling into the hopefully perfect jeans. Zip, button, turn….They look awful on you. They make your butt look nonexistent and your love handles are peaking out to say hello. You think you look ridiculous, so you feel discouraged, and you begin to cry. While it is a relatable and upsetting example, your mentality is everything that you THOUGHT, and your behavior is everything that you DID (get upset, cry).
All are connected. Your thoughts and feelings influence your behaviors, and your actions/behaviors influence your thoughts. It is inevitable that we create our own misery most of the time, but the amazing fact is that we have the ability to change our mindset. Now, this change isn’t going to happen over night. Think of as training your mind to see situations in a brighter light.
Your present situation is not permanent. Visualize how you want your future to look. Maybe you imagine being more fit, wealthy, independent, or healthy. Whatever it may be, it is possible for you to obtain. It is so easy to get sucked into comfortability, and I find myself being stuck in a rut every now and then because of this. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to pick myself up off the ground and tell myself to get my shit together. The key is to having the willpower and determination to do the heavy lifting.
Your mindset can improve simply by starting small, such as surrounding yourself with positive friends, challenging your thoughts, creating a healthy routine, or even sending thank you notes. Not only are you creating a healthier mindset, but you are also influencing positive behavior. There are so many ways to feel complete and untroubled, you just have to find what works or you.
Hello, anxiety. It’s nice of you to show up at the most inconvenient time, again. You make my chest swell, my head pound, and my whole body feel uncomfortable. I know you don’t mean to make me feel that way, but you always leave me feeling defeated. I’m not quite sure how you became such a big part of my life, but all I know is that I don’t want you around anymore. I never wanted you around. You’re good at making other’s feel lonely, worthless, and miserable…including me. You make the smallest issues seem so large, and the largest issues seem so unimportant. It’s confusing. You’re confusing.
Loud noises are unbearable, big crowds are frightening, and silence is beautiful. Why do you make me feel this way? Why are you part of me? I don’t understand. I guess I’ll just take my medication at the same time every day so you don’t ruin my mood.
I have lived with you for a while now, and I’m starting to get used to how you become triggered. I know that I can’t sleep in past 7am, be unprepared for work, or leave the volume level on an odd number without you coming out to play. Well, truth is, I’ve accepted you. I don’t understand you, but I am learning to live with how you work. I guess I would consider that self love.
For those of you who don’t struggle with anxiety, this is what is feels like. Every day is a challenge. Please just love the ones around you who are emotionally aware enough to share their mental health status with you. Patience is key, and asking them questions about it is okay, as long as you respect their feelings and are calm when approaching the subject. Please be gentle. That is all we want.
I’m not trying to throw myself a pity party either. I’m just trying to help others understand that they are not alone in this. Understanding that this is worth accepting, because if you don’t, you will spiral down, down, down, until you feel so empty inside that you will shut everyone out, including your happiness. This is the game of life, and accepting your flaws is how you are gonna win. Use your flaws to help others, to motivate, inspire, whatever you feel you can do so that other people can feel worthy of living another day. That is what I’m trying to do. What are you struggling with right now? How can you try to improve the situation?
Feel free to leave your thoughts, opinions, and experiences in the comments, or email me. Breathe, relax, and take care of yourselves this weekend.
I’m aware that Thanksgiving has passed, but this time of year has my mind constantly searching for gratefulness. This time of year can be difficult for many, considering that the weather is getting colder, holidays are passing, and the new year is on it’s way. That is so much change within a few short months. Whether you struggle with holidays due to loss of loved ones, seasonal depression, or just feeling lonely, it is essential to ponder about the gifts life has given you. Now, I’m not just talking about the Xbox that your mom gave you or the flowers that your boyfriend surprised you with, I’ talking about what YOU are grateful for in your mental health. Allow me to exemplify, these are the ten things that I am grateful for in my mental health:
1.) Finding inspiration in the smallest acts of kindness.
2.) Thinking so maturely at such a young age.
3.) Motivating myself when I’m feeling down or lonely.
4.) Knowing that I am the only me in the world, I am entirely unique and proud of it.
5.) Feeling content about sharing my own struggles with people who share similar hardships.
6.) Having the ability to love people, even if they have hurt my feelings.
7.) Feeling so tranquil when listening to indie folk music.
8.) Growing away from my anxiety and making new relationships because of the fact.
9.) The ability to be so in-tune with empathy.
10.) Finding the smallest bit of positivity in a rough day.
It feels good. Addressing the things that make you proud of yourself can be such a beneficial exercise if you are trying to improve your self-esteem and mental health. I’m curious as to what you are grateful for. I’d love to hear from anyone who is willing to share. Feel free to post in the comments below! Happy Tuesday!
It sounds silly, but I remember coming home from school in 5th grade and grabbing an apple instead of the jar of peanut butter and a spoon. (Doesn’t sound like the most appealing trade-off, but I was determined) I remember feeling so unusually proud of myself, I even told my mom and dad that I was eating something healthy.
You’re probably asking what sparked this behavior in such a young child’s head. You’re probably thinking that a child shouldn’t have to worry about eating healthy as much as the average adult, considering that their metabolisms are fresh and more inclined to digest all of the junk food. Well, let me enlighten you on my realization at such a young age.
As an adolescent, I was a bit bigger than most of the other girls, and even quite a few of the boys my age. I was not uncomfortable about this until the day I decided to change my eating habits for the better of my health. Again, it sounds silly and maybe a little sad, but I remember wanting to go on the teeter totter with my friends at recess. I always shot my friends basically to the sky without even trying because I weighed significantly more than they did. However, it wasn’t that situation that bothered me much.
*Flashback to elementary school* My class was lining up to head back to the classroom from the library and I was standing with some of my best friends in line. I’m not sure how the conversation came up, but they were talking about how if you were chubby at a young age, that you would be skinny when you’re older, and vice versa. They told me that I would end up being skinny and pretty one day. Sounds kinda messed up to think about, but that always stuck with me.
Now, I knew I was a little chubby, but obviously I wasn’t going to go on a “diet” at such a young age. That is just a nightmare waiting to happen. I did however, have the courage to change something about myself that I knew could improve my well-being. So, I started to eat healthier day by day. Or at least what a 5th grader would consider “healthy”, which was good enough at the time. This change excited me, and I believe that is where the passion sparked. I became faster, better at sports, and more confident in my abilities.
Fast forward to eighth grade and many obstacles later… My soccer coach at the time suggested that I start personal training at this new gym to prepare for high school soccer tryouts. The gym was called Forever Strong, and it was probably the best experience I could have endured. My trainers taught me traditional and olympic style lifts combined with HIIT (High-Intensity Interval Training) that elevated my interest in the fitness world to newer heights. I was slowly improving my physical fitness to the best it’s ever been. I eventually decided to take my knowledge from there and implement it into my own workouts at a local gym, and I have been awed by exercise and the human body’s capabilities ever since.
Let me tell ya, it was not always a smooth process. I consider it more of a learning experience. It is a journey of mental toughness and self-belief. I struggled internally from about sixth grade to senior year of high school. Body image issues was a huge obstacle that took me years to overcome, but honestly, I think my ability to stick with my healthy exercise habits helped me out of that rut. I went from 105lbs (my unhealthiest) to 125lbs in about a year. I am very proud that I saw that I needed to take care of myself and take action. I did my research, and tried to learn about what I could do to get myself to be healthy again.
Long story short, the fitness aspect of my life has completely saved me. I’ve learned so much over the years, and I just want who ever is reading this to know that…
YOU ARE LOVED & VALUED.
If you are in a place where you feel helpless, lost, or lonely, I encourage you to find a niche. Whether it be lifting weights, running, writing, playing an instrument, or anything that bring you comfort, use it to your advantage and for self-improvement. You gotta go through rock bottom to get to bikini bottom. (Spongebob reference lol)