A Good Day

A Good Day

I’m back in the same coffee shop from my previous post. It is silent and tranquil. The owner of the coffee shop knows me by name, and she says it so sweetly. The music playing has a lo-fi vibe, which is perfect for writing in my opinion. My tea is refreshing with subtle hints of cactus blossom. My body aches less, and my mind feels a bit more clear.

It’s suppose to be quite warm today, around the mid 90’s. I use to dream of days like today, now I can happily say that I get to live in these moments daily. My tan is beginning to appear darker with each day, and my skin remains clear due to the vitamin D.

It’s been a while since I have had one of these days. That kind of day where you feel like nothing can disturb your peace of mind. I am going to pursue the kind of day where I can lay in bed tonight and blissfully say that it was a good day.

It’s such a mystery how the mind and body dance with grace to fabricate positive outcomes when there’s an entirely conflicting and dark side as it’s shadow.

I’ve been searching for myself for a while now, and I’m determined to find her within the glow of the sun and the twilight of the moon. Each day and night is an opportunity for growth.

Today is a good day.

-The Positive Peanut

A Bad Day

A Bad Day

“My anxiety is a child who plays tag with my intestines, braids fishtails with my pulse. While she naps unseen under caramel moons, I wake to find her blameless”

-Sade Andria Zabala

Don’t let the title get you twisted. Let me explain further.

You know those days where you constantly feel like your head is stuffed full, and it’s almost as if it could implode any moment? Yeah, I’ve been having that feeling a lot lately.

You feel grumpy, fatigued, and almost sickly. Your energy is low and all you want to do is either bust out all of your priorities, or hibernate under a weighted anti-anxiety blanket for the rest of the year. There isn’t really an in-between feeling.

Then, it feels like there are so many tasks at hand that must be completed soon. So, you’re sitting in a coffee shop, head on the verge of explosion, chest feeling compressed, muscles tight, all while realizing that you have so much shit to do.

Suddenly, a child starts screaming. The room becomes filled with people who are speaking way too loud. The person next to you is coughing every 30 seconds, and isn’t covering their mouth. So. Much. Noise.

You begin to wonder if something is wrong with you. You are so sensitive to these noises and things happening around you. You let it get under your skin and bother you until you finally decide to get up and leave out of discomfort.

This is my anxiety on a bad day. Every thing happening around me that is disturbing my peace becomes unbearable and vexatious. I’m aware that I bring it upon myself, but it’s such a complex concept to get myself to understand and control.

I practice my breathing, reading, writing, and other activities that help ease my mind. However, I feel as if those hobbies only leave me content for a limited amount of time. My mind is always in conflict with time. My mind is overwhelmed. My mind is tired.

These bad days are far and few apart, but addressing them and accepting them when they occur is all part of the plan that is my life. I push myself through these bad days, no matter how much I wish to give up. If I can manage these emotions, headaches, stress, anxiety….So can you. You just need to take it slow.

I’m speaking to myself and others when I say this…You can do it.

-The Positive Peanut

How To Be Your Own Motivation

How To Be Your Own Motivation

I’ll address the elephant in the room; I haven’t blogged in a while. It’s not that I didn’t want to write, I have just been carrying a heavy load of stress on my back for a few months now.

I know many of you can relate. Stress and depression seriously forces you to slowly slip away from yourself and what you’re passionate about. You may notice a change in how you sleep, eat, behave, and even your appearance. You want to be in a untroubled place, but no matter how hard you try, you still seem to be stagnant in your being.

I know myself well enough to watch out for the things that I do when I am extremely stressed. Some of them are things I cannot control, such as losing my menstrual cycle. Some of them are things I can control, such as eating two pints of ice cream out of complete emotional turmoil. (Yes, it has happened before). All of this may sound sad, but it’s real. I know I’m not alone in this. Im not giving up, I’m just working through these challenges.

I wake up every day and question my purpose, my passion, and my morals. I know this is normal, and I know that my questioning is coming from a place of fear, uncertainty, and lack of confidence. Well, it’s time to knock that shit off. I’m sick of it. I want the best for myself. How am I going to find my motivation again? What steps can I take to feel whole again? I may need some buddies to help keep me accountable. Feel free to write down your own steps for how to better yourself. I like to do this every now and then when I’m feeling completely lost in my journey.

Steps to contentment:

-Start writing at least once a week.

-Get a planner and write each week out every Sunday evening.

-Clean/organize my house at least once a week.

-Read a chapter of a book daily.

-Focus on quality time with friends and family.

-Go for a walk after dinner.

-Get a big ass water bottle and always carry it with me so that I drink at least half my body weight in ounces per day.

-Get as prepared as possible for school in the fall.

That was kind of a lot more than I was expecting, but I think that was needed. It really puts it into perspective when you write it all down and realize what you are missing from your life.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’m gonna make the rest of this year my b*tch. I know I can do this. I fall off my horse every now and then, but my dad always taught me to get back on and handle the horse. That’s exactly what I’m gonna do with life.

Thanks for reading, I hope this post serves you in some way. I hope it’s a great day for you.


– The Positive Peanut

Mentality vs. Behavior

Mentality vs. Behavior

Do you find yourself questioning your own thoughts or actions? Both have been something I’ve been dwelling on for the past few months. The substantial amount of brain activity that I am using is becoming too much, leaving me lethargic and longing to waste the day away being trapped in my feelings with no beneficial actions in return.

I know I’m not alone, despite how lonely I can feel at times. I’m sure many of you know that feeling. You can be the most radiating person in the room, but once that moment is over, your glow begins to fade. Your mentality is shot to shit, and you feel so insignificant. Welcome to your mentality, or “mindset”.

Your mentality is your personal view, feelings, ideas, or even biases about a situation, person, or thing. You’re probably much more aware of your mindset now, huh? You’re thinking about how you’re feeling in this moment, or maybe you’re trying to distract yourself from another situation that you’re feeling mentally overwhelmed by. Regardless of why you’re here reading this right now, you are aware of your mentality.

The question is- how is your mentality effecting your behavior? Are you going to let your vulnerability act for you, or are you going to behave accordingly to your desired mindset?

For example, say you were at the mall and decided to try on a pair of jeans that you desperately wanted. You’re in the fitting room, wiggling into the hopefully perfect jeans. Zip, button, turn….They look awful on you. They make your butt look nonexistent and your love handles are peaking out to say hello. You think you look ridiculous, so you feel discouraged, and you begin to cry. While it is a relatable and upsetting example, your mentality is everything that you THOUGHT, and your behavior is everything that you DID (get upset, cry).

All are connected. Your thoughts and feelings influence your behaviors, and your actions/behaviors influence your thoughts. It is inevitable that we create our own misery most of the time, but the amazing fact is that we have the ability to change our mindset. Now, this change isn’t going to happen over night. Think of as training your mind to see situations in a brighter light.

Your present situation is not permanent. Visualize how you want your future to look. Maybe you imagine being more fit, wealthy, independent, or healthy. Whatever it may be, it is possible for you to obtain. It is so easy to get sucked into comfortability, and I find myself being stuck in a rut every now and then because of this. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to pick myself up off the ground and tell myself to get my shit together. The key is to having the willpower and determination to do the heavy lifting.

Your mindset can improve simply by starting small, such as surrounding yourself with positive friends, challenging your thoughts, creating a healthy routine, or even sending thank you notes. Not only are you creating a healthier mindset, but you are also influencing positive behavior. There are so many ways to feel complete and untroubled, you just have to find what works or you.

Happy Wednesday 🙂

Listen to Your Body

Listen to Your Body

Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel. 

– Eleanor Brownn

I am guilty. I use to over work myself to the point of exhaustion and daily mental break downs. I thought I was successful because of my productivity, but I can see now that I was completely wrong. 

I was corrupting my mind, body, and spirit. I see productivity as a wonderful trait to have, however, one must know their limits. It is not worth the self harm that comes with ignoring your bodies natural responses to stress. You can be the hardest worker in the room, but if you are mentally drained, are you really winning? Are you genuinely happy with yourself and your performance? 

Now, I’m not saying that you should be lazy, unproductive, and selfish all the time if you’re feeling over-worked, but to find the balance between working hard and giving yourself a break to replenish your creativity and energy. 

Some people may disagree, but I think it’s totally okay to call out of work if you need a mental health day. It’s okay to say no to hanging out with friends if you’re tired, and it’s absolutely fine to spend some time with yourself. You are not weak for feeling this way, and you should not feel bad either. You are self aware. You are doing the right thing for yourself. 

Listening to your body is more than just realizing that you want a pint of ice cream instead of going to the gym. Maybe you’re listening to your aching muscles, pounding headache, or irritated stomach. You could also be listening to your emotional feelings, such as sadness, doubt, or worry. 

Your body is always sending you messages. Honestly, being aware of how your body reacts to pressure is extremely important and will help you figure out what you can do more or less of. For example, when I begin to feel stressed out for some reason, (working a lot, studying, relationships) I get MEGA headaches. I could go to sleep with a headache, and wake up with one too. It sticks with me until I do something to relieve my stresses. 

It’s so easy to “go relax, and do something that makes you happy”, but I feel like so many people just end up laying in bed and scrolling through their phone. Yes, that could be relaxing, but it’s definitely not mentally stimulating. 

I’ll share some ways that you can start tuning in to your body.

  1. Go for a walk.  Plug in your headphones, listen to some calming music, and actually look at your surroundings.
  2. Eat mindfully. Eat food that will nourish your body and energy levels, rather than make you feel like a slug. Are you physically hungry or are you hungry because you’re bored? It’s important to be aware of how your body distinguishes the two feelings.
  3. Trust your intuition. Sometimes trusting your heart over your brain is exactly what you didn’t think you needed.
  4. Ask yourself how you’re feeling.  By doing this, you can address your needs. Stop, breathe, listen, decide, and act. 
  5. Start a self care regime. Get a face mask and bath bomb from Target, play your favorite video game, meditate, do yoga, write, whatever relaxes or pleases YOU. 

I hope this post has helped you become more in-tune with your body & mind. I wish only the best for each of you who have read this. Happy Thursday! 

Anxiety, my Dear Friend.

Anxiety, my Dear Friend.

Hello, anxiety. It’s nice of you to show up at the most inconvenient time, again. You make my chest swell, my head pound, and my whole body feel uncomfortable. I know you don’t mean to make me feel that way, but you always leave me feeling defeated. I’m not quite sure how you became such a big part of my life, but all I know is that I don’t want you around anymore. I never wanted you around. You’re good at making other’s feel lonely, worthless, and miserable…including me. You make the smallest issues seem so large, and the largest issues seem so unimportant. It’s confusing. You’re confusing.

Loud noises are unbearable, big crowds are frightening, and silence is beautiful. Why do you make me feel this way? Why are you part of me? I don’t understand. I guess I’ll just take my medication at the same time every day so you don’t ruin my mood. 

I have lived with you for a while now, and I’m starting to get used to how you become triggered. I know that I can’t sleep in past 7am, be unprepared for work, or leave the volume level on an odd number without you coming out to play. Well, truth is, I’ve accepted you. I don’t understand you, but I am learning to live with how you work. I guess I would consider that self love.

For those of you who don’t struggle with anxiety, this is what is feels like. Every day is a challenge. Please just love the ones around you who are emotionally aware enough to share their mental health status with you. Patience is key, and asking them questions about it is okay, as long as you respect their feelings and are calm when approaching the subject. Please be gentle. That is all we want.

I’m not trying to throw myself a pity party either. I’m just trying to help others understand that they are not alone in this. Understanding that this is worth accepting, because if you don’t, you will spiral down, down, down, until you feel so empty inside that you will shut everyone out, including your happiness. This is the game of life, and accepting your flaws is how you are gonna win. Use your flaws to help others, to motivate, inspire, whatever you feel you can do so that other people can feel worthy of living another day. That is what I’m trying to do. What are you struggling with right now? How can you try to improve the situation? 

Feel free to leave your thoughts, opinions, and experiences in the comments, or email me. Breathe, relax, and take care of yourselves this weekend. 

10 Things I am Grateful for

10 Things I am Grateful for

I’m aware that Thanksgiving has passed, but this time of year has my mind constantly searching for gratefulness. This time of year can be difficult for many, considering that the weather is getting colder, holidays are passing, and the new year is on it’s way. That is so much change within a few short months. Whether you struggle with holidays due to loss of loved ones, seasonal depression, or just feeling lonely, it is essential to ponder about the gifts life has given you. Now, I’m not just talking about the Xbox that your mom gave you or the flowers that your boyfriend surprised you with, I’ talking about what YOU are grateful for in your mental health. Allow me to exemplify, these are the ten things that I am grateful for in my mental health:

1.) Finding inspiration in the smallest acts of kindness.

2.) Thinking so maturely at such a young age.

3.) Motivating myself when I’m feeling down or lonely.

4.) Knowing that I am the only me in the world, I am entirely unique and proud of it.

5.) Feeling content about sharing my own struggles with people who share similar hardships.

6.) Having the ability to love people, even if they have hurt my feelings.

7.) Feeling so tranquil when listening to indie folk music.

8.) Growing away from my anxiety and making new relationships because of the fact.

9.) The ability to be so in-tune with empathy.

10.) Finding the smallest bit of positivity in a rough day.

It feels good. Addressing the things that make you proud of yourself can be such a beneficial exercise if you are trying to improve your self-esteem and mental health. I’m curious as to what you are grateful for. I’d love to hear from anyone who is willing to share. Feel free to post in the comments below! Happy Tuesday!