Starting A New Life

Starting A New Life

I never really understood why, but I have so many people constantly reaching out to me, asking how I managed to move 2,000 miles away from everything and everyone I grew up around at such a young age. Then I started to realize that I’m almost too independent for my own good, and not every one has the ability to just get up and go. I figured I would dig into my thoughts on this subject to help others who are seeking the possibility to move and start a new journey. 

I get asked questions such as:

“Why did you want to move away?”

“What has been challenging? Rewarding?”

“Why do I stay?”

“What do I miss about my home town vs. where I live now?”

“What advice would you give someone who is wanting to move from their home town?”

Well, my friends, lets get into it.

First off, let me explain that I am from a small town in Oregon. I spent much of my time in Springfield/Eugene since many of my friends lived there, and my school was there as well. It wasn’t a glamorous city, but it was home. I knew it like the back of my hand, and everyone pretty much knew each other, or dated one another. 

This brings me to my reasoning of why I wanted to move away. Now, I do not have bitter feelings toward my home town, nor any one that lived there, I was jut simply tired of living the same 24 hours every single day. I was in a rut, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, it caused me deliberate unhappiness. The weather was something that really effected me as well. It was cold, wet, and numbing; mentally and physically. Some people love it (Mom, if you’re reading this, I’m talking to you), but I definitely thrive in the sunshine. Throughout my childhood, my family and I would take trips to Arizona around the holidays every year. I fell in love with the city of Scottsdale, which is where my grandma’s vacation home resided. I remember telling myself at a young age, that I would live here someday. That someday ended up being a few weeks after I graduated high school. 

My moving experience was not all sunshine and rainbows. I faced many challenges that I didn’t consider until they started happening to me. I was so hyped on the idea of living on my own and having so much freedom, that I didn’t even think about how lonely I was. I thought I was doing all of the right things for myself, such as going to school, going to work, grocery shopping, working out, and just being an adult. Soon after doing all of this repeatedly for a few months, I realized that I was back in a rut of unhappiness. I wasn’t content with my performance in school, I didn’t like my job at the time, I was in a suffocating relationship, and the stress was causing me to eat my weight in peanut butter. I sat myself down, prioritized, and took action. I started working for Dutch Bros again, which was a huge source of happiness for me. I’ve met so many of my friends since working there, even my current boyfriend. I took a break from school, and am now in a healthy routine. The challenges will be endless, but I have peace in knowing that I made it through those hard times, and I’m better prepared for more.

Now, the most rewarding thing I have obtained from this big move, is my improvement in self awareness. I am more aware of my feelings, actions, and just all around sense of self. I know what I want, when I want it, and how to get it.  I really feel like I have grown into someone I never thought I could be. I have learned how to be more selfless, loving, patient, and kind. I have also created relationships that I couldn’t see myself having back in Oregon. Starting life over in a new city challenges you to get outside of your comfort zone. When you go from feelings so completely broken and lonely, you really get a grasp of how good it feels to connect with other human beings. 

I’ll be honest…Oregon summer’s are my weakness. Every time I go back to visit my family over the summer, I fall in love all over again. I want to stay so bad. Some of my best friends are there, so are my pets, and the ability to constantly be doing an outdoor activity.  Once I get my hands on a fishing pole, I suddenly have an incredible amount of patience. Once I get my hiking shoes on, I could adventure on all day and night. I miss those summer memories. I’ve never felt more content than when I am canoeing up river to my favorite island, sitting by a fire under the stars with my friends, or picking fresh blueberries with my mom. Unfortunately, Oregon summers only last about three months. That’s where the love fades and I have to come back to reality, and Arizona. I could easily move back, as I feel I am more accepting to rain now, but half of my heart is in Arizona. I stay because I am happy with the life I have created. Oregon will always be home, but there is only a small town with so little to offer. I’ve done all the growing that I could there. 

My advice to anyone who is craving the adventure that is being held hostage from them in their home town is to just freaking go. I didn’t think about it too much, I just knew why and where I wanted to go, and I went. I made it happen because it felt right in my heart. Yes, you leave behind so much, but you have a ton to learn and gain as well. Your friends will always be your friends, and your family will always be your family. They will understand if you want to leave and experience new things. You can be happy some where else, too. It will always be home. You can always return. Also, make sure you’re financially prepared. That would be shit if you moved, ran out of money within a few months, and had to move back home. Have a nice amount saved up, enough to last you three to four months so you can be well off until you get a job. Another piece of advice I can offer is to be very aware of your surroundings. Carry pepper spray, a knife, a gun, anything to protect yourself in case of emergency. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, and people are crazy. 

Lastly, take care of yourself. Be fearless, hard-working, care free, and good-natured. Good things will come to you. I hope this gave some of you the courage to take the next step in your life. Feel free to leave comments or questions below, or reach out in the contact category. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! 

 

Listen to Your Body

Listen to Your Body

Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel. 

– Eleanor Brownn

I am guilty. I use to over work myself to the point of exhaustion and daily mental break downs. I thought I was successful because of my productivity, but I can see now that I was completely wrong. 

I was corrupting my mind, body, and spirit. I see productivity as a wonderful trait to have, however, one must know their limits. It is not worth the self harm that comes with ignoring your bodies natural responses to stress. You can be the hardest worker in the room, but if you are mentally drained, are you really winning? Are you genuinely happy with yourself and your performance? 

Now, I’m not saying that you should be lazy, unproductive, and selfish all the time if you’re feeling over-worked, but to find the balance between working hard and giving yourself a break to replenish your creativity and energy. 

Some people may disagree, but I think it’s totally okay to call out of work if you need a mental health day. It’s okay to say no to hanging out with friends if you’re tired, and it’s absolutely fine to spend some time with yourself. You are not weak for feeling this way, and you should not feel bad either. You are self aware. You are doing the right thing for yourself. 

Listening to your body is more than just realizing that you want a pint of ice cream instead of going to the gym. Maybe you’re listening to your aching muscles, pounding headache, or irritated stomach. You could also be listening to your emotional feelings, such as sadness, doubt, or worry. 

Your body is always sending you messages. Honestly, being aware of how your body reacts to pressure is extremely important and will help you figure out what you can do more or less of. For example, when I begin to feel stressed out for some reason, (working a lot, studying, relationships) I get MEGA headaches. I could go to sleep with a headache, and wake up with one too. It sticks with me until I do something to relieve my stresses. 

It’s so easy to “go relax, and do something that makes you happy”, but I feel like so many people just end up laying in bed and scrolling through their phone. Yes, that could be relaxing, but it’s definitely not mentally stimulating. 

I’ll share some ways that you can start tuning in to your body.

  1. Go for a walk.  Plug in your headphones, listen to some calming music, and actually look at your surroundings.
  2. Eat mindfully. Eat food that will nourish your body and energy levels, rather than make you feel like a slug. Are you physically hungry or are you hungry because you’re bored? It’s important to be aware of how your body distinguishes the two feelings.
  3. Trust your intuition. Sometimes trusting your heart over your brain is exactly what you didn’t think you needed.
  4. Ask yourself how you’re feeling.  By doing this, you can address your needs. Stop, breathe, listen, decide, and act. 
  5. Start a self care regime. Get a face mask and bath bomb from Target, play your favorite video game, meditate, do yoga, write, whatever relaxes or pleases YOU. 

I hope this post has helped you become more in-tune with your body & mind. I wish only the best for each of you who have read this. Happy Thursday! 

Anxiety, my Dear Friend.

Anxiety, my Dear Friend.

Hello, anxiety. It’s nice of you to show up at the most inconvenient time, again. You make my chest swell, my head pound, and my whole body feel uncomfortable. I know you don’t mean to make me feel that way, but you always leave me feeling defeated. I’m not quite sure how you became such a big part of my life, but all I know is that I don’t want you around anymore. I never wanted you around. You’re good at making other’s feel lonely, worthless, and miserable…including me. You make the smallest issues seem so large, and the largest issues seem so unimportant. It’s confusing. You’re confusing.

Loud noises are unbearable, big crowds are frightening, and silence is beautiful. Why do you make me feel this way? Why are you part of me? I don’t understand. I guess I’ll just take my medication at the same time every day so you don’t ruin my mood. 

I have lived with you for a while now, and I’m starting to get used to how you become triggered. I know that I can’t sleep in past 7am, be unprepared for work, or leave the volume level on an odd number without you coming out to play. Well, truth is, I’ve accepted you. I don’t understand you, but I am learning to live with how you work. I guess I would consider that self love.

For those of you who don’t struggle with anxiety, this is what is feels like. Every day is a challenge. Please just love the ones around you who are emotionally aware enough to share their mental health status with you. Patience is key, and asking them questions about it is okay, as long as you respect their feelings and are calm when approaching the subject. Please be gentle. That is all we want.

I’m not trying to throw myself a pity party either. I’m just trying to help others understand that they are not alone in this. Understanding that this is worth accepting, because if you don’t, you will spiral down, down, down, until you feel so empty inside that you will shut everyone out, including your happiness. This is the game of life, and accepting your flaws is how you are gonna win. Use your flaws to help others, to motivate, inspire, whatever you feel you can do so that other people can feel worthy of living another day. That is what I’m trying to do. What are you struggling with right now? How can you try to improve the situation? 

Feel free to leave your thoughts, opinions, and experiences in the comments, or email me. Breathe, relax, and take care of yourselves this weekend. 

10 Things I am Grateful for

10 Things I am Grateful for

I’m aware that Thanksgiving has passed, but this time of year has my mind constantly searching for gratefulness. This time of year can be difficult for many, considering that the weather is getting colder, holidays are passing, and the new year is on it’s way. That is so much change within a few short months. Whether you struggle with holidays due to loss of loved ones, seasonal depression, or just feeling lonely, it is essential to ponder about the gifts life has given you. Now, I’m not just talking about the Xbox that your mom gave you or the flowers that your boyfriend surprised you with, I’ talking about what YOU are grateful for in your mental health. Allow me to exemplify, these are the ten things that I am grateful for in my mental health:

1.) Finding inspiration in the smallest acts of kindness.

2.) Thinking so maturely at such a young age.

3.) Motivating myself when I’m feeling down or lonely.

4.) Knowing that I am the only me in the world, I am entirely unique and proud of it.

5.) Feeling content about sharing my own struggles with people who share similar hardships.

6.) Having the ability to love people, even if they have hurt my feelings.

7.) Feeling so tranquil when listening to indie folk music.

8.) Growing away from my anxiety and making new relationships because of the fact.

9.) The ability to be so in-tune with empathy.

10.) Finding the smallest bit of positivity in a rough day.

It feels good. Addressing the things that make you proud of yourself can be such a beneficial exercise if you are trying to improve your self-esteem and mental health. I’m curious as to what you are grateful for. I’d love to hear from anyone who is willing to share. Feel free to post in the comments below! Happy Tuesday!

Bikini Prep Diary #2

Bikini Prep Diary #2

I started my day at 5am, I had about five hours of sleep last night. I got a sudden migraine in the middle of the night, which used to happen religiously, but hasn’t occurred in years. I feel moody, annoyed, frustrated, and just not very good. I’m really struggling with today so far. But, you know what?

I’m okay. It’s times like this where I need to remember how blessed I am to see another day, and to have the opportunities that I obtain. My mentality is strong right now, but being tired is definitely a top three worst feeling in my book. It takes so much away from my work ethic, my relationship, and just my ability to carry on with tasks. It’s extremely frustrating, so I’m trying to be more aware of my actions when I’m feeling exhausted and working on not letting that moment of deprivation control my day. I planned on going to the gym a little later in the morning, but life happens and I forgot that I had a meeting this morning before my shift. So, here I am, sitting in the parking lot of the gym trying to calm my anxiety once again. When I feel my anxiety start to come on I mentally prepare myself for a breakdown. (Sad, I know) However, I think this is healthy because that means I know my body and mind well enough now that I can prevent those breakdowns. Some of the things I do to kind of push away my anxiety attacks are mindful exercises that I learned in therapy a few years ago:

1.) Find a quiet place where I can be alone.

2.) Address the feelings I am having and try to talk myself through why I am feeling that way.

3.) Decide what I can do to prevent a breakdown/lash out.

4.) Take deep, focused, breaths.

5.) Say kind things to myself and others.

6.) Do something that relieves my stresses. (Gym, calling parents, treating myself, writing)

This is what works for me, and I hope it helps some of you as well. I am so glad I can have some alone time at the gym this morning, it really does bring me peace. Today is about to be a crazy day, but I know that life is just like that sometimes, and I have to accept it. I have to go with the flow of things and stay consistent with my actions. I’m sorry this post was basically just me complaining and ranting, but sometimes that’s just what a little human needs. I feel a lot better now. I hope you all have a wonderful week.

Bikini Prep Diary #1

Bikini Prep Diary #1

Do you ever get the random urge to do something drastic and actually follow through with it? I get those a lot. I call them my mid-(insert whatever my age is) crisis’. It’s funny because I am actually very thankful for those crazy emotions that cause me to do semi-crazy things.

For example, I have decided recently that I am going to train for and compete in my very first bikini competition. Now, this thought of competing has been on my mind for years. I just wasn’t sure when I would commit, considering I am so young and sometimes I feel like I look I’m not mature enough to create a mind-blowing physique. I’ve been training and lifting for about seven years now, so I would consider myself very experienced and comfortable in the gym. I’m hoping this competition can bring me a new level of confidence that will help me with my future plans.

Anyway…Long story short, I was going through a mid-20’s crisis one day and dropped a FAT amount of money on a coach. Luckily, I already knew my coach through going to the same gym for a few months.  I trust him, and this process. I am about 3-weeks into my prep with about 16 more to go, and I am extremely motivated. Sometimes I have my doubts though…Like, “can I really do this?” “Will my efforts pay off?” “Please don’t give up/fuck up, Mollie.” AND THAT’S FREAKING TERRIFYING. I know I won’t have the guts to give up anyway, but the fact that my brain is thinking those negative thoughts is very annoying. I’ve decided that if I start something, I cannot and will not give up. Not until I’m satisfied with the results.

I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately on my Instagram regarding my prep and what my workouts/meals are. I think its super rad that people are actually interested in what my goals are and what the process is like. I just hope people take everything I provide as motivation to improve their lives with healthy habits. As of now, the meals are plentiful and  I struggle to finish them sometimes. Some of my friends have told me that I look way more muscular in my legs, calves, and booty. That puts me on cloud nine! Having other people notice your gains is one of the best compliments anyone can give. I’ve been working so hard, and I will continue to do so throughout the rest of this prep. Some people may not understand why I’m doing this but that’s okay. This is for me, no one else. 

Since I’ve been getting a lot of questions on my workouts, I’ll post the one I did today! My good friend Adam is helping me create a video prep diary on youtube, where we will be posting my workouts, motivational speaking, Q&A, and more. I’ll be posting more details here soon! We filmed the first video today, so expect content early next week. 

Check out their Instagram! I’m also an ambassador for them. 

https://www.instagram.com/monolithiclife/

Now for my workout: 

GLUTES/PLYOS

-Seated abductors: 6×40 (sit close to edge, really focus on pulling with your glutes and squeezing for 2 seconds when in full contraction.)

-(SUPERSET) Smith machine/barbell hip thrusts x Barbell RDL: 4×20 (when doing hip thrust, push weight through heels, squeeze glutes. Barbell RDL, get full stretch and pull through hamstrings/glutes.)

-Close stance lunges: 4×20 (Push with glute of leg in the front)

2 ROUNDS:

-Kettle bell swings: 20 reps (push kb with glutes, not arms)

-Box jumps: 10 reps (When on top of box, stand up straight and squeeze glutes)

-(SUPERSET) Barbell walking lunges/Reverse lunges 10, 10

This workout is a bit shorter than my other’s for the week, but it never fails to make me feel like my butt is gonna fall off! I hope y’all enjoyed this and you find it useful. 

If you have any questions, future post ideas for me, or just wanna show some love, feel free to comment below or e-mail me! Have a lovely day.

What Sparked My Passion for Fitness

What Sparked My Passion for Fitness


An apple. No, seriously, It was an apple. 

It sounds silly, but I remember coming home from school in 5th grade and grabbing an apple instead of the jar of peanut butter and a spoon. (Doesn’t sound like the most appealing trade-off, but I was determined) I remember feeling so unusually proud of myself, I even told my mom and dad that I was eating something healthy. 

You’re probably asking what sparked this behavior in such a young child’s head. You’re probably thinking that a child shouldn’t have to worry about eating healthy as much as the average adult, considering that their metabolisms are fresh and more inclined to digest all of the junk food. Well, let me enlighten you on my realization at such a young age.

As an adolescent, I was a bit bigger than most of the other girls, and even quite a few of the boys my age. I was not uncomfortable about this until the day I decided to change my eating habits for the better of my health. Again, it sounds silly and maybe a little sad, but I remember wanting to go on the teeter totter with my friends at recess. I always shot my friends basically to the sky without even trying because I weighed significantly more than they did. However, it wasn’t that situation that bothered me much.

*Flashback to elementary school* My class was lining up to head back to the classroom from the library and I was standing with some of my best friends in line. I’m not sure how the conversation came up, but they were talking about how if you were chubby at a young age, that you would be skinny when you’re older, and vice versa. They told me that I would end up being skinny and pretty one day. Sounds kinda messed up to think about, but that always stuck with me.

Now, I knew I was a little chubby, but obviously I wasn’t going to go on a “diet” at such a young age. That is just a nightmare waiting to happen. I did however, have the courage to change something about myself that I knew could improve my well-being. So, I started to eat healthier day by day. Or at least what a 5th grader would consider “healthy”, which was good enough at the time. This change excited me, and I believe that is where the passion sparked. I became faster, better at sports, and more confident in my abilities. 

Fast forward to eighth grade and many obstacles later… My soccer coach at the time suggested that I start personal training at this new gym to prepare for high school soccer tryouts. The gym was called Forever Strong, and it was probably the best experience I could have endured. My trainers taught me traditional and olympic style lifts combined with HIIT (High-Intensity Interval Training) that elevated my interest in the fitness world to newer heights. I was slowly improving my physical fitness to the best it’s ever been. I eventually decided to take my knowledge from there and implement it into my own workouts at a local gym, and I have been awed by exercise and the human body’s capabilities ever since. 

Let me tell ya, it was not always a smooth process. I consider it more of a learning experience. It is a journey of mental toughness and self-belief. I struggled internally from about sixth grade to senior year of high school. Body image issues was a huge obstacle that took me years to overcome, but honestly, I think my ability to stick with my healthy exercise habits helped me out of that rut. I went from 105lbs (my unhealthiest) to 125lbs in about a year. I am very proud that I saw that I needed to take care of myself and take action. I did my research, and tried to learn about what I could do to get myself to be healthy again. 

Older photo comparison, but I will provide recent ones soon! 

Long story short, the fitness aspect of my life has completely saved me. I’ve learned so much over the years, and I just want who ever is reading this to know that…

YOU ARE LOVED & VALUED.

If you are in a place where you feel helpless, lost, or lonely, I encourage you to find a niche. Whether it be lifting weights, running, writing, playing an instrument, or anything that bring you comfort, use it to your advantage and for self-improvement. You gotta go through rock bottom to get to bikini bottom. (Spongebob reference lol)

I gotta end this with a cute puppy picture.



The Journey Begins

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me for this little adventure of my life! For those of you who do not know me, I’m Mollie! For those who do know me, yes, I’m still awkward but I consider myself quite hilarious. Anyway, welcome to my blog and very first post! I’m super stoked about this new chapter of my life. I’m honestly not quite sure how to blog yet but let’s start this first post out with some positivity.

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I hope that made you feel a little bit better about life right now.

So, I’m sitting here in my favorite cafe, and I have a million thoughts running through my head. Normal, right? I’ve decided that this blog will be a place for my thoughts, so brace yourself. It might be a roller coaster, and it might get weird.

For my first post, I wanted to share a little bit about my upbringing and how I’ve managed to evolve into a completely different person throughout the years. I’m probably just another girl who needed a platform to vent and express on. That’s why I decided to start this blog, where I can come and feel safe with my thoughts and opinions. I encourage you to feel the same way about my page. Feel free to leave comments below about your feelings, stresses, highs, lows, or anything in-between. You can even e-mail me! I want this to be a good place for everyone. Vulnerability can be a beautiful thing.

From there, I’d like to share a little bit about myself in hopes that maybe there are some people out there who I can relate to. I grew up in Leaburg, Oregon, and if you’re not familiar with that area, that’s okay because not many people are. I like to describe it as the boondocks. My family has a little farm where I grew up with chickens, horses, goats, dogs, cats, a pig, and even some pet rats at one point. My grandma lives down the street about a mile where we would spend much of our time as a family. Overall, I have a pretty good relationship with my family, despite all of the hardships we experienced together. When I say I love my family, I mean that with my entire being. There have been many obstacles in my life that I truly would not wish upon anyone, but I consider myself lucky, and for that I am extremely grateful for the life I was given. Being the independent soul that I am, I decided to move to Scottsdale, Arizona a few months after I graduated high-school. It was not the easiest, but it was the best decision I have made for myself and my future. I was in a deep state of self-envy and depression from about eighth grade up until mid 2017. Anxiety controlled my life every minute of every day, and honestly, I was very concerned for my well-being. Those dark times of my life do not define the person I have become (which is a very happy lil bean). I could tell you everything that happened the past seven years, but I think I will save that for future posts. Just know that change is extremely possible.

Here are some things that I have learned since I have moved from my home town and comfort zone:

  • You cannot shut every one out of your life and expect good things to happen to you.
  • Take intimidating opportunities, they may reward you in unexpected ways.
  • If you get a job and end up hating it, say PEACE OUT and go get some ice cream. Then look for a new job with amazing culture.
  • Be aware of your surroundings (Thanks for the pepper spray, Dad).
  • If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask someone you trust.
  • Build relationships every where you go, you never know how that interaction may help you with the future.
  • Treat yourself. Get a massage, new shoes, or take your friend out for lunch. Mental health days are so important and I try to implement them every week.
  • Stay in contact with family and old friends. Just because I live somewhere else doesn’t mean I don’t care about them anymore.
  • Make friends with the city police men, it may help you get out of a ticket.
  • Explore your own city! You never know what hidden gems you can find, wonderful people you can meet, and experience that you’ll remember for the rest of your life.

I know this blog post was all over the place but I hope you took away something sentimental from this. I plan on trying to post 3x a week, or whenever I feel like it. If you guys have any questions or want me to share something about myself that I may have left out (which is a lot) then I’d be happy to publicize. I hope you all enjoyed this post! I look forward to providing more for you.

P.s. I’m going to try to end each post with a picture of a cute dog.

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