“My anxiety is a child who plays tag with my intestines, braids fishtails with my pulse. While she naps unseen under caramel moons, I wake to find her blameless”
-Sade Andria Zabala
Don’t let the title get you twisted. Let me explain further.
You know those days where you constantly feel like your head is stuffed full, and it’s almost as if it could implode any moment? Yeah, I’ve been having that feeling a lot lately.
You feel grumpy, fatigued, and almost sickly. Your energy is low and all you want to do is either bust out all of your priorities, or hibernate under a weighted anti-anxiety blanket for the rest of the year. There isn’t really an in-between feeling.
Then, it feels like there are so many tasks at hand that must be completed soon. So, you’re sitting in a coffee shop, head on the verge of explosion, chest feeling compressed, muscles tight, all while realizing that you have so much shit to do.
Suddenly, a child starts screaming. The room becomes filled with people who are speaking way too loud. The person next to you is coughing every 30 seconds, and isn’t covering their mouth. So. Much. Noise.
You begin to wonder if something is wrong with you. You are so sensitive to these noises and things happening around you. You let it get under your skin and bother you until you finally decide to get up and leave out of discomfort.
This is my anxiety on a bad day. Every thing happening around me that is disturbing my peace becomes unbearable and vexatious. I’m aware that I bring it upon myself, but it’s such a complex concept to get myself to understand and control.
I practice my breathing, reading, writing, and other activities that help ease my mind. However, I feel as if those hobbies only leave me content for a limited amount of time. My mind is always in conflict with time. My mind is overwhelmed. My mind is tired.
These bad days are far and few apart, but addressing them and accepting them when they occur is all part of the plan that is my life. I push myself through these bad days, no matter how much I wish to give up. If I can manage these emotions, headaches, stress, anxiety….So can you. You just need to take it slow.
I’m speaking to myself and others when I say this…You can do it.
-The Positive Peanut