2019, damn. I thought we would be living life like the Jetsons by now!
As I reflect on the past twenty-one years of my life, I have realized at a young age that life comes in seasons. Spring could be lovely, bringing you so much joy and experiences, while Summer can bring stress, loneliness, and challenges.
I try to remember that the difficult seasons are temporary, and that something wonderful is on it’s way. I think that the most unfortunate thought of all, is that other people experience bad season after bad season. My only hope is that others get to experience more sublime seasons than adverse ones.
During this season of life, I have experienced so much change. It is not a bad season by any means, but more inconvenient I suppose. I had so much planned, and it was going in such a perfectly straight line. Ever since I got back from visiting my family in Oregon over the holidays, so much was brought to my attention; I am not growing in the way I intended to be at this age. I am not in school, I am not learning what I want to be well equipped in. I feel as if I am holding myself back from my true potential.
These realizations have caused me to make some very difficult and drastic decisions. I have decided to go back to school, attend a University, and actually push myself to obtain a degree that I can be satisfied with. I don’t think I was ever that invested in school, I just did it to get by and go with the flow of society. Now, I can see how I was holding myself back from my capabilities. I was never “bad” at school, I just wasn’t as motivated to learn as much as I am now. I’ve realized that it’s time to nut up (lol) and make shit happen for myself so that I can be satisfied with my life.
This decision has caused a lot of sadness to enter my life as well. I might have to leave my life that I have created in Arizona to move back to Oregon. Nothing is set in stone yet, but the thought is terrifying and exhilarating. My heart is torn, and despite the difficulties of this season, I know I will pull through and things will be okay in the end. I won’t allow myself to not be okay. That is absolutely unacceptable, considering I was once so desolate.
I’ve decided that I am going to be persistent in 2019. That is the word I am going to live by for the year to come, and I will continue to live by in 2020. The goal is to be persistent in all aspects of my life; school, work, health, friends and family.
I think that if one realizes what characteristics they are lacking, they can improve their abilities and learn from those around them. I have always struggled with finding balance with the most important factors in my life, but I am determined to become better at this in 2019.
Seasons can be beautiful, and my hope is to grow stronger between now and the years to come.
I wish the best for you all during this season of life.